You Got Bad Advice

Sometimes I just want to sit down and not be bothered. It’s usually when I’m watching an Oregon Ducks football game. I have noticed that my children don’t really care about this desire to be left alone during the game. It’s like they smell the blood in the water of me wanting a few hours to myself.

I’m not sure how verbal your kids are, but my kids are very, very, very verbal and persistent. It can be so much fun when you want some silence. This day my son wanted a treat.

He piped up, “Dad can I get a treat?” In our house a treat is any form of sugar. “Nope,” I responded. A few minutes later Luke jumped back in to test the waters, “How about now? Can I get a treat?” By later, I mean less than five minutes after the first question. I informed him that nothing had changed. What felt like seconds later he said, “How about now?”

I quickly stated, “Will you stop asking?” Then I thought about what I had said and what traits I want in my children. I sat him down and apologized for my bad advice.

My kids do not have a gene of persistence. I believe that all of us are born with this how about now mentality. I also believe we pound it out of them. “Stop bugging me!” “Stop asking!” And worse of all, “I said no and don’t ask again.” I was not teaching him honor, rather was teaching him to give up at the first sign of resistance.

I want you to return to that inner child with a few tweaks that I taught my son.

Find out the barrier.

We often are persistent in the wrong way. We might as well be backing up and running into a wall at full speed repeatedly. It hurts to do that, and it annoys anyone that is watching. When you get a “no” when you are working toward your goal, finding out the reasons for the “no” is crucial.

If we don’t find out the reason for the stop sign, we will fight the wrong battle. My son wanted his treat now. I was watching football so didn’t let him know why. My bad. The reason for the “nope” was that I wanted him to wait until after dinner to have sugar so that he would eat his meal.

If you are not fully confident with why you are getting told “no,” ask more questions to discover the resistance.

How can you overcome the barrier?

Once you are armed with your reasons now you can use reasoning. Finding out ways to work around the hurdle in front of you is where all your energy should be going. Sometimes there is no barrier to overcome, like if you want to sell someone a product and they don’t have money to buy it. Often though there are ways to creatively work around or through a barrier. In fact, credit was created to work around the barrier of a lack of money.

Really what we become in this scenario is solution oriented. Instead of being the interrupter, we become the helper.

Persist with respect.

Respectful solutions are ones that are a win, win.

Don’t become a sleezy salesman in this process. Ask questions and discover instead of being so focused on your desire. Start to solve their problem in a way that is beneficial for you as well. Sometimes a no is a no for now and not a no forever. If we treat people with respect, they will come back when they are ready. Be persistent in a way that people still like you on the other side of the conversation.

Return to your childlike state, but with an adult brain by finding out the obstacle in front of you and become solution oriented with persistence and respect. You are made to dream, just remember to bring your family with you. Be blessed on your journey.

This post was originally published at http://zechariahnewman.com

Connect Deeper: Zech Newman is a serial dreamer. He has written for Fast Company, Entrepreneur, Faith Driven Business and has been featured on Fox News and NBC. His passion is to help others pursue their dream in a way that brings family closer together and builds a rock-solid foundation of faith. Zech is the author of the new book, Chasing Dreams in a Minivan — For Men with Big Goals and the Women Who Put Up with Them. ZechariahNewman.com

Questions to Ponder:

What relationships are the hardest to hear “no” from?

When are you tempted to give up?

Prayer:

God, give me wisdom to see the real problems in front of me. Give me creativity to find solutions and help me to always keep others in mind and not my own wants and desires. Amen.